Are You There Universe? It’s Me, Jay.

Oprah once said, “The universe speaks to us, always, first in whispers.” She said that the more we ignore it, the louder it gets. When I first heard this quote, I thought to myself, “If only that were actually true.” I wouldn’t say the universe ignores me or that I necessarily ignore it. I would describe our relationship more like the one you have with a distant aunt. You know you’re related, you say hi and smile at each other at the occasional family function but for the most part, you just assume they are mostly busy with other people.

In the last couple of months though, I have come to believe a bit more in this quote. I say “a bit” simply because I’ll always be a snarky pessimist at heart. Hey – I am what I am.

If you’ve been reading my blog for quite some time, you would know that in addition to my years of stand-up comedy and my freelance writing, I have a job that I’ve always described here as simply a “day job”. It’s not my career or my passion. Its primary function has mainly been to pay the bills, get insurance and steal free pens when I need them. Oh, Uniball Signo 207… you bring out the thief in me!

I have been at my current “day job” for awhile now. It’s a very stable job (read: slightly boring) and with the exception of its many benefits, the greatest asset truly has been the people I work with. In terms of co-workers, I’ve sincerely been overwhelmingly blessed. They make the fact that I don’t really care for what I’m doing bearable.

Regular readers of my blog also know that a few years back, since I told my boss about my infertility issues, things haven’t been ideal. I was hoping including him in on my struggle would make him more understanding of my occasional doctor appointments but instead, he heard the word ‘ovary’ and much like a woodland creature, he panicked and ran away. OK, not literally ran away but at the very least, he used the wheels on his chair and rolled away from me slowly.

Even during my pregnancy, he wrote in my review that I had been late time to time. He neglected to mention that the reason I was late was to see my OB/GYN. Then, a week before I was to return from maternity leave, he emailed me that he was giving some of my work to a co-worker. His explanation was that he wanted to make sure he had as much coverage as possible and now that I had lost my flexibility (read: something came out of my uterus), he wanted to have extra back up in place.

In my last post, I had mentioned that having something so positive in your life tends to shine a spotlight on the things that kind of suck. After the years of trying to get pregnant and especially the moments where there were no answers and it seemed hopeless, the fact that we did manage to kick infertility’s ass and have an adorable son is a great accomplishment. You may think this is overdramatic but there are times when I even feel like, “I went through extensive fertility treatments and not only did I have a baby, but I held on to my sanity too.” To me, it isn’t just that I had a baby, which of course means the world to me, but it really is that I didn’t become a total crazy person who stands on a street corner somewhere screaming about the government.

This is one of the reasons I still talk about infertility so much. IT. IS. F*CKING. HARD. So few understand or relate and for every helpful, positive comment you get, you still receive ten stupid comments (i.e. “Have you thought about using your brother-in-law’s sperm?”) When I connect with someone who is going through an IVF cycle, or who can’t afford medication, or who has had a miscarriage, I sincerely care and want to help. Although I don’t know or relate to every scenario, I know the pain of disappointment, the feelings of failure, isolation and the fear that this is never going to end.

In the last couple of months, I’ve been thinking about all of this and asking myself, “What do I want to do with my life?” The infertility experience, the people I’ve met, this blog and my journey have all left an indelible impression on me. To continue spending eight hours a day, five days a week on something that doesn’t excite me and where my boss treats me like less like I’ve had a baby and more like I’ve had a head trauma is something I can’t ignore.

So, after much debate, a whole lot of discussion, many a conversation with my therapist, my husband and my gay best friend (everyone should have one), I have officially accepted a full-time position with Fertility Authority ( I hope to bring my humor, empathy and the free pens I stole from my current job to the role.

Truth be told, this is a big career change for me and I’m going to miss seeing my current co-workers on a daily basis more than I could ever possibly say. If I wanted to, I could have stayed at my current job till I retired. It’s safe and despite the weirdness with my boss, I do believe he would have either eventually gotten over it or I would have simply gotten better at ignoring him. The thing is though that when I think of Oprah’s quote, it does seem like the universe has been pushing me in this direction. Fertility Authority’s overall objective is something that I’m passionate about and it’s something I feel I could bring a lot to.

One of the things that have amazed me the most about this turn of events is I always believed that when you had children, you took fewer risks. You have people depending on you and you don’t want to screw around with your livelihood. What I didn’t expect was that my son actually has motivated me to take more risks. Of course I don’t mean bungee jumping off a crumbling bridge, eating raw eggs on a daily basis or taking your life savings and gambling it away recklessly. I’m speaking more of calculated risks that could offer rewards beyond what you have now. I want to do better because not only do I want the best life for him as possible, but I want him to have a mother who does something for a living that makes her happy. As my mom has always said, “A happy mother is a good mother.

Mind you, I don’t mean to imply that working for the Fertility Authority is a huge risk. Of the staff I have met so far, they are phenomenal, hard working, smart, motivated, caring women and this is a tremendous opportunity that offers a whole different set of benefits. Still, in this economy, switching jobs can be scary and leaving the job you know so well can be intimidating. I am excited though and I hope to not only make the team at Fertility Authority proud, but all of you proud as well.

So, hopefully, the universe is doing right by me and I’m doing right by listening to it. In the meantime, I ask you to please wish me luck and let me know if you need any pens. I have a feeling a few extra ones may fall into my purse when I leave.

43 thoughts on “Are You There Universe? It’s Me, Jay.”

  1. How exciting! Wishing you the best of luck!

    (and on a funny note, I was totally agreeing with your thieving of pens, because I heart my office pens. Then I looked down to see what kind it was, and you'll never believe… uniball Signo 207! whoop!)

  2. Congratulations!! I'm sure you will rock it! I think as parents we take different risks. We need to show our kids a good life examples and sometimes that means bailing on the soul suck of a job and doing something that makes you happy.

    Kudo's to you!

  3. Congrats on the new job! It's amazing to do something you're passionate about. I think the only reason I'm still at my current job is because I'm passionate about what I do, because I sure as heck could do without all the drama thriving in the unit amongst the coworkers.

    Can't wait to hear how it all turns out! Best of luck on your new adventure!

  4. Hooray!! I was wondering what your big announcement was. Jay, this is huge! It takes a lot of guts to move on from a secure job, but I think this move is a good one. And doing something that you believe in to boot! Congratulations and I wish you a smooth transition and many happy years of employment!!

  5. Wow, could you have found anything more perfect? Congratulations! Don't forget to check in with us loyal readers from time to time…:)

    I laughed out loud at "have you thought about using your brother in law's sperm?" because the idea was suggested to me (by someone very well intentioned, of course) that I use my sister's eggs… People are so clueless. 🙂

  6. Jay, this is wonderful news! I am so glad you are inspired to make your day job as meaningful as your night job. That is fantastic. If we are lucky, infertility changes us for the better. This story shows me you are one of the lucky ones, in so many ways.

  7. Congratulations on the new position! I also wanted to thank you for the seventh paragraph of this post. I am pretty much fading into the background since I am one of so few still childfree. In fact I think you know that of all the friends I made in this journey every single one has become a mother. It's a weird feeling being the last one standing. I always had this feeling I would be. But anyway thanks for still wanting to be here for people like me when I know it can be easier to step away from this horrible disease once you have become a mother.

  8. I too laughed out loud at using your BIL's sperm. Man oh man, if I had a penny for everything "helpful" that people said (i.e., from a friend who, mind you, had previously gone through fertility treatments who told me to "seriously try to enjoy this time" ?!?!?!) HAH. In all seriousness, congratulations! You deserve all the happiness and pens you want. I can't wait to hear what your new job entails! Good luck!

  9. Major congrats – that sounds like it will be an amazing job for you and you won't have to deal with insensitive dick boss anymore. I can totally get on board with the stealing of pens, one of my previous jobs had the most amazing pens and paper – I should have stocked up more before I left that job. Excellent post all around!!!!

  10. Hello from ICLW! Congrats on the new job! I find making a change can always be scary, but it's almost always totally worth it, too. Hope it's good to you!

  11. That really sucks that your boss had such a reaction to you telling him about your infertility issues. I have been extremely lucky, and my boss believes that it's more important for me to get pregnant and be healthy than be at work each day. He's been extremely supportive and knows a LOT about my ovaries, uterus, and all other lady business. He keeps offering to "turkey baste" me! LOL.
    Congratulations on the position with Fertility Authority. Switching jobs is scary, but I have no doubt that you will do great. =)

  12. Woohoo! Congrats on the new job! You don't say in this post, but is it safe to assume FA is an RE office? It will be sad to say goodbye to your coworkers, but glad you're getting away from that boss. He's just not right.

  13. Thank you so much for your blog and your "real-ness". My hubby and I have been trying to conceive for 8 years and just did our 3rd IVF. I am currently in the 2WW time…and your blog has helped to pass the time while I try to keep sane and think happy positive thoughts. I have laughed outloud at your perfect humor and you seem to say all the things I feel (especially in your etiquette for infertile couples section!) Congratulations to you and thank you again for your thoughts.

  14. Loved this post! Congratulations and good luck to you! Can't wait to see what you do in your new position.

    Btw…Oprah knows her shit….and your ex-boss…, ya, he was breaking the law….oh well, moving on, right?!!

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