The Kindness of Strangers

I’ve wanted to write this particular blog entry for a while but I couldn’t figure out how to avoid it sounding like a LIFETIME movie. It’s not that I don’t enjoy their “Made-for-TV” movies. The Betty Broderick Story featuring Meredith Baxter is a personal favorite of mine. I just don’t want to be make it so touchy-feely, estrogen laden that you’d all get yeast infections from reading my entry.

I also don’t want to be over-the-top and come off like Lou Gehrig’s speech at the end of THE PRIDE OF THE YANKEES. “Today-ay-ay… I consider myself-elf-elf… the luckiest infertile in the world-world-world.”

Here’s the thing though: Even though I would never have elected to be part of the infertility crew, I really, truly, genuinely am grateful I’ve gotten to connect with so many generous, kind, thoughtful, amazing, funny human beings.

In the last couple of months in particular, I’ve received so many acts of kindness that despite going on my third invitro, being financially strapped, still processing how sad I am about my struggle to become a mom, I’ve actually felt kinda lucky. I’m part of a community where if I have a question about cervical mucus at two in the morning, someone will respond to it in minutes. The people I’ve connected with take their providing emotional support very seriously.

As some of you know, I’m on the hunt for some medications as they cost so effen’ much and I want to save money wherever I can. Last week, @Le_Barren (her Twitter name), came to a show of mine and slipped me a brown paper bag of Gonal-F. We both laughed that if anyone saw “the exchange”, they would have thought it was hard core street drugs and not hormones.

Then, yesterday, @AdventuresInIF (also her Twitter name) and I went to the movies. During the previews, instead of buying me a bucket of popcorn, she gave me a box of Gonal-F. She also gave me a quick lesson in what needle to use when giving progesterone in oil shots. I’m sure when the man behind us bought his ticket to see JANE EYRE, he didn’t know that in addition to a seeing a romantic classic, he’d hear about how badly your ass can get bruised from giving yourself an injection.

It seems that almost every day lately, either my husband or I have come home to envelopes filled with Menopur or estrogen patches from such Twitter friends as @StolenEggs, @prncssbttrcp70, @Kat_Cushner, @pregnantjust, @LeLeIsMe, @Jennandtonica, @sassyNtubeless, @tiggsintxmama, @Laura129 and @IVFLondonUK. Lord only knows what the mailman must be thinking when he sees the words “Baby Dust!” written on these packages!

I’ve even gotten incredible, generous, BEYOND appreciated financial contributions from Lee, Lillian, and Carmel. Again, I can’t thank you enough for that. I’d offer sexual favors in return but Brad Pitt never returns my calls…

In addition to the necessities, I’ve also received such fun, thoughtful gifts as “fertility socks” from Christina and Lori Green LeRoy (@inadeconception) sent me her book, “The Inadequate Conception” (http://theinadequateconception.blogspot.com/) which I not only found relatable, but it made me laugh out loud which is impressive!

I’ve also received touching, funny and sweet emails from Amy, Melissa, Miranda, Jessica, Meg, Sabrina, Bessie, Susan, Meenakshi, Jevon, Stephanie, Naomi, Carolyn (just to name a few) and of course, from my very dear Canadian friend, Jaycee, all encouraging me and sharing with me their experiences.

There are also the many direct messages of support I’ve gotten from @MyLazyOvaries whose blog you can find at: http://slackieo.blogspot.com/. Both her humor and support have been relentless.

Then, there are my MANY Twitter and Facebook friends which are too many to list. If I did, it would sound like a modern, cyber, f*cked up version of Romper Room. (And yes, I know only a few of you are going to get that reference. Man, I’m getting old!) Twitter especially has provided me with endless love, support, humor and interaction with fellow infertiles (many who are now pregnant) that I’m incredibly grateful for. I’m honored to know them and exchange meaningful 140 characters with them.

I also must give a shout out to my Infertile Brunch Crew for being an outstanding, giving, honest and understanding group of women. They have also provided some of the best breakfast meals one could hope for:

@SecretSloper – http://parkslopepurgatory.blogspot.com/

@AdventuresInIF – http://adventuresininfertilityland.blogspot.com/

@madampumpkin – http://plantingapumpkinpatch.wordpress.com/

@thisispersonal – http://thisismorepersonal.tumblr.com/

@TheIFDoula – http://www.infertilitydoula.com/

And then there are all of YOUR comments. Some of them have made me laugh, some have made me cry and all of them have been more appreciated than I could ever possibly say without sounding like an overemotional, hormonal Sally Field accepting an Oscar. Whenever I’ve felt silly, you’ve laughed with me and whenever I’ve felt like I was drowining , you’ve thrown me a lifeline. I can’t thank you enough.

Infertility sucks. There’s just no way around it but all of these people and many, many more have made this dark room I’m currently trapped in fill up with light more times than I can count be it by flashlight, candle, or fireworks. I honestly don’t know what I’ve done to deserve such kindness but I’m profoundly humbled and honored. What moves me the most right now is that if I ever do actually get pregnant, what started as a project between just my husband and I, has become this huge collaborative effort.

My point is that if I do ever have a baby, this kid already has a massive list of thank you cards to write!

As always, with hope and humor,

Jay