Trying to Conceive Has Crapped on my Sex Life

Ok, let’s be honest: After months upon months of contrived and controlled sex, it makes total sense for it to affect your love life. When you first met your significant other, all you needed was two things: passion and privacy (and maybe not even privacy). In the car, in the hallway, in a bathtub; you couldn’t get enough of each other. It didn’t matter what day of the month it was, what position your cervix was in and lying down for an hour afterwards was by choice and not required.

Does this not at all sound familiar to anyone or is it just me? Please tell me it’s not just me!

If you’ve been reading my blog regularly, you know sex is an important issue to me. Despite being fertility challenged, I want to feel sexy and I want to have the fun sex my husband and I had when we met. We go through periods of time lately where we get the magic back, but then, thanks to the ‘trying to conceive saga’ we’re currently starring in, those moments fade fast.

Let me give you an example. Awhile back, there was a night where my ovulation prediction kit said it was go time. The trouble was that on the night in particular, we both had bad days, we were exhausted and I not only had a migraine from hell but I was feeling sick to my stomach. The foreplay consisted of me saying, “Get in, do what you need to do and then get out.” My husband completed the mission all while I had my mouth guard in (I grind my teeth) and while I drifted off to sleep. This is not the stuff they make porns out of people.

Soon after, Sam and I had a conference… a “sex summit” if you will… and we came up with ways and ideas to bring the ZING! back. We are trying to implement them as often as possible. Here’s what we came up… perhaps it’ll provide inspiration for you.

Costumes, Make-up, Wigs
Yes. You heard me. Get all Jennifer Garner in Alias. As you may or may not know, I am the proud owner of a Catholic School Girl outfit, a cheerleader outfit and French Maid’s outfit. It’s Halloween soon so you have the perfect excuse to buy one of these without feeling self-conscious. And aside from the fact that your husband will enjoy one of these typical male fantasies they have (they are SO predictable in that department, aren’t they?), it’s fun for you (no really, I swear) because what infertile doesn’t want to imagine they are someone else for a bit? Why not a sexy, fertile hot nurse who doesn’t give a sh*t what consistency her cervical mucus is?

Videotape
If it gave Kim Kardashian a career, it can do wonders for your love life. Men like porn, why not give them something to look at. And yes, this was very much my husband’s suggestion.

Books and movies
And no, I’m not talking total filth (unless that’s what you’re in to). If there’s any form of entertainment that helps get you in the mood be it a romantic comedy, a romance novel, vampires, car repair (just throwing that out there), then make sure you have it on hand. I personally recommend you all check out http://www.amazon.com/My-Secret-Garden-Womens-Fantasies/dp/0671019872 for inspiration. Some of the fantasies made me go, “Um… yeah, that frightens me.” Others were like, “Well, THAT’S creative! I’ll bookmark that page for later!”

Be on top!
Hey – you’ve earned it now and then! One suggestion though: When you’re on top, somewhere in the middle of everything, put your hands up like you’re on a rollercoaster as it’s going downhill. Be sure to yell, “Woooooo!” Oh, c’mon! It’ll be fun!

Schedule your own “Sex Summit”
Plan a dinner where you sit down and tell each other what you like, don’t like, what you want to do more of and suggest at least one new thing to try. The summit alone can get you back in a fun, sexy mood. Oh, and it would help if you didn’t have the conversation over a heavy dinner. Feeling bloated isn’t sexy. Man, don’t I know it!

Go old school
First, borrow your parent’s car. Then, get a six pack, drive to a make out spot, hop in the back seat and get frisky. Who knows? You may get lucky in more ways than one. Look… if a million high school seniors can get pregnant this way, it may work for you too.

Remember the Romance
Light some candles, get the music going and put on that sexy nightgown. I’m all for quickies and passionate romps but if you’ve got time, why not use it and go all out? Romance that stone! Go with the wind! Have Harry meet Sally! Set the scene and enjoy all of it on rose petals and silk sheets!

Hotel sex
Maybe I’m alone here and it certainly depends on the hotel but my husband tends to travel here and there and we’ve always had great success with having relations in a hotel. Perhaps you’re less distracted from household chores since you’re not at home or maybe it’s simply that it’s a new element. Any which way, why not book a night away and get it on with a mini bar nearby.

Three words: Battery. Operated. Boyfriend (or Bob if you prefer)
When you are trying to conceive, sex can become as much a chore as it can be fun. Why not let a Pocket Rocket do half the work for you? This wonder toy can do all the foreplay and half the orgasm before he can get his boxers off. It also comes in handy if he’s already crossed the finish line and you’re only halfway through the race.

Forget the rules
Every TTC couple has read a million anecdotes on what the best way to conceive, and over the months of trying, sure enough those anecdotes have made their way into the bedroom. And let’s not forget that there are couples that do all the wrong things (i.e. Drunk sex in a hot tub while standing up) and they still get knocked up! Let’s all give ourselves permission to just have sex for sanity’s sake! So before you have another Baby Dance while suspended from the ceiling in gravity boots listening to Barry Manilow’s ‘Mandy’ because your best friend’s cousin’s hairdresser told you that she got pregnant once doing just that — remember that sex is supposed to be fun. Just do it.