I’ve often likened the journey of trying to conceive when having fertility issues to that of a video game. Every video game has different levels. For example, in one level, you will need to kill a few dragons, jump over a few motes and find a secret key to unlock a door so that you’ll be allowed to enter level two for the next series of obstacles and hopefully, rewards. Ideally, with patience and luck, you’ll get to the highest level and win the game.
In the Infertility Video Game (which really needs to be invented), an early level would perhaps entail scoring some ovulation prediction kits, jumping through insurance coverage loop holes, and finding a Reproductive Endocrinologist that will help diagnose your issues.
Other levels could be having your husband’s sperm fight off antibodies, slaying hospital bills, finding the money to pay for an in vitro and then, hopefully, getting pregnant. Getting pregnant would then lead to another series of levels, such as getting through the first trimester, having an NT scan and making it through the labor and delivery without causing bodily harm to your husband. Really, as far as I’m concerned, the game isn’t completely over until you hold a healthy baby in your arms.
For the record, I’ve never been good at video games. I’m always the one who gets disoriented in the very first room and who can’t figure out how to even use her controllers. I truly suck at it. We have Nintendo Wii and while my husband can sail through Lego Star Wars with his eyes closed, I stick mostly to games like Wii Music where there are no levels. They are just entertaining games that involve little skill other than being able to recognize where the television is in your living room.
This past Thursday night, June 9th, was the night before my beta. It had been an extremely difficult week as I had been getting pretty much all of my usual PMS symptoms (cramps, moody, bloated, migraines and that oh, so familar feeling of wanting to punch someone in their face). The migraines especially have always been the death knell. Whenever I’ve gotten a headache, my period is always sure to follow. That’s how it’s been for the past twenty years I’ve been getting those bastards. I actually almost wrote an entry last week called, “Between a Rock and a Headache” but I was simply too depressed that once again, this cycle looked like a total clusterf*ck.
At one point last week, despite the fact that I’m a grown woman, I cried hysterically on the phone with my parents. We had a bunch of bills that had come in from the clinic, I had my signature knife-in-the-brain-like-migraine and I was convinced we’d have to do a fourth IVF. I was stressing about how we’d pay for it, that we would still have no guarantees, that maybe we should just give up altogether and whether my marriage could take much more.
My parents were comforting and my dad said that if push came to shove, they would help me pay for the fourth in vitro. It would be my birthday gift, Christmas gift, and my inheritance all rolled into one if I needed it. This offer made me cry even harder to which my dad responded with, “Ok, you’re making me cry now so I’m hanging up.” *CLICK!*
So, on Thursday night, as tensions grew over the impending beta test/results the next morning, I wrote out a list of next steps I would take in preparation for yet another negative (join a gym, overdose on chocolate, buy a huge bottle of wine, take a writing class, schedule and cancel an aborted suicide attempt, etc.) and what questions I wanted to ask the doctor at our inevitable next “WTF Appointment”. I even wrote out an email I would send to the friends and family who knew we did another IVF. In it, I thanked them for their support and told them that we had no choice but to take a break for a while.
As I finished the letter, my husband asked to speak with me. He sat me down and for the first time ever, he told me that he didn’t know if he had the heart to do a fourth in vitro. He seemed so sad, beaten down and simply done. He talked to me about how bad things have been; financially, emotionally, sexually and physically (as if I needed him to point this out). He suggested we should not think about this for the rest of the year and start thinking about adoption as clearly, we can’t seem to produce more than one embryo.
I let him talk as I could tell he needed to. It’s not that anything he said was dead wrong; I just didn’t think I felt the same way. I ended up telling him that this is something we needed to talk about but not tonight. He quietly left the room and went off to watch television in the living room. It felt like there was an entire ocean between us and I went to bed that night thinking, “Hello rock bottom! My name is Jay!”
The next morning, I woke up and on the advice of a few of my friends, I grabbed a home pregnancy test. Since I would be getting the results of the beta when I was at work, I wanted to be prepared for bad news so I grabbed a digital Clearblue easy test, peed on it and fixed my hair while I waited for the result. I glanced over at the test, saw it was done, picked it up and saw the word, “pregnant”.
I froze and stared at it confused. I flipped it over to look for the “not”. I have seen “not pregnant” every single time I’ve used this test in the past two and a half years that I was in shock. It was only one word and yet I read it over and over again convinced that I was wrong or that this was a very odd and cruel pratical joke. “We’ve secretly replaced an infertile woman’s urine with a pregnant woman’s urine. Let’s watch and see what happens!”
The last two and a half years flashed through my brain… my uterine polyp, Jackson Polyp, the pre-ivf bikini waxes, the sperm sample my husband produced in a Starbucks bathroom, Rudy – the lone embryo, the dog downstairs almost eating my estrogen patches, the tears, the drama and all the money I could have used to buy a house with. But now here it finally was: I’m pregnant.
When I woke my husband up, it was 5:45am and told him the news. He was so shocked and confused that he looked at me like I was a modern art painting that he couldn’t make out.
The beta results were 90 (anything over a 25 means pregnant) and what I love is all this time, I’ve been getting these sad disappointing calls from one clinic or another that I was so excited to get a happy call from them for once! However, the woman who called me was so blasé about it. “Hi. This is Dawn from the clinic. The test was positive. Any questions?” She sounded like she was ordering a pizza. “I’ll take pregnancy with a side of pepperoni please… extra anchovies”
After I got the results, I called my parents who both topped my hysterical crying from the week before. They told me how overjoyed they were, that this was the news they hoped for and my father added, “Plus, this saves me $15,000!”
I’ve never been pregnant before and I’ve got to tell you, after trying the old fashioned way, three inseminations and three in vitros with dissapointing fertility reports, I seriously began to think that my trying to conceive efforts were similar to my video game skills: I’d be trapped on level one forever.
Many of you who read this blog are like me; fertility issues, financially challenged, hormonal, frustrated and feeling like you’re stuck in purgatory. I’m sure that although you are happy for me, it may be also difficult as perhaps you feel I’ve “crossed over to the other side”.
The thing is though, I’ve just cleared level one. I’m not yet “home free”. There are so many more levels ahead of me and I can’t imagine doing it without the readers I’ve connected with through this blog.
I started writing ‘The 2 Week Wait’ to share my journey and frankly, you’ve all become a part of it. I know this will be difficult for some of you to read that I’m now pregnant but you have my word, I will never, nor would I want to, forget all that it took to even just get to this point. I will continue to be funny, snarky, resentful of the fertile world at large on occasion and on a personal note, it would mean so much to me if you could just stick with me through the first trimester as I truly don’t know what the f*ck I’m doing.
For now, no matter what you may be feeling about this news and more than I can possibly say, I’m so happy to be sharing this first milestone with all of you. I hope there will be more to come, that this truly is the little embryo that could and that we have a happy and healthy pregnancy ahead of us.
And yes, I’m still totally stunned and have peed on more sticks in the past two days than I thought possible.
Thank you… thank you… thank you…
Now on to level two.
CONGRATS on making it past level one…I will have all my fingers and toes crossed that you make to level "two"! Sticky vibes and prayers…
HOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO…
(breath)
…RAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY!!!
Yeehaw!! I'm totally stoked for you & your husband & family 🙂
Congrats on Level 2! I'm looking forward to hearing all about how things progress for you from here! I think L2 is just as hard as L1, but with more on the line. Here's to completing the game and passing all the levels to win a baby!!
Annnd I'm crying again. That twice now you've made me cry. I don't care if you continue on to produce millions of babies while I stay infertile and childless, I will always stick by you. Now that I can stop holding my breath while waiting for you to get your positive test, I will now take another deep breath and hold it until you get past the first trimester.
You did it girl. You are knocked the fuck up! (I can't seem to post comments to you without cussing.)
When I finally saw my first positive pregnancy test, I went overboard. I took at least one or two tests everyday for the first couple of weeks just to see the magical two lines. And I saved them. For months!
Congrats! I'm so excited for you!
That is SO awesome!!!! Congratulations on making it to level 2!!!
(And, thanks once again for sharing it in such an awesome, awesome way. This was so awesome to read! )
(Apparently my brain has been taken over by the 80s)
CONGRATS! And praying that all continues to go well! Best wishes!
I am beyond excited for you! I just discovered your blog the other day and follow you on Twitter. I felt like I was getting teary reading your story. Congratulations. You totally deserve to be pregnant – I wish you a happy and health nine months!
I will say it again…woooooohoooooo! So fucking happy for you!
Congratulations!!!!!! I am SO very happy for you!
Wishing you a long, boring and uneventful pregnancy!
okay! yayayayya!
Let me just say, I have had so many emotions while reading your post! I cried, laughed, screamed out loud, and felt such joy for YOU!
I am so overjoyed for you:)
I'm crying…I'm so effing excited for you! And yes, you have reached level II, but there are so many more obstacles. I, like you, peed on 10 sticks over 3 days. My husband threatened to leave me if I bought any more pregnancy tests!
Welcome to level II and more waiting and more scary things. You're right, you don't win the game until a live baby is placed in your arms, and then it's a whole new game!
No matter what happens with my drama right now, I will follow you til you get to the next game…Same game second edition? (and probably longer) You have been a part of my adventure, and I'm glad to be a part of yours! I'm so happy for you I can't even express it!
Wishing you the best of luck and hoping to continue to hear good news from you!
Happy dance. And so much more, but it sounds better shrieked on the phone. xoxo
YEAH!! Wonderful news honey.
I just yelled so loudly I scared my hubby and dogs. I grabbed my heart and cried YES!! YES!! YES!!
My hubby said, WHAT?? I said, The girl who's husband had to produce a sample in the Starbucks bathroom is PREGNANT!! Hubby said, AWESOME 🙂
Congratulations! I'm so very happy for you! I can't wait to read about you co conquering level 2,3,4…
AWESOME!!!!! congrats!
i am with you! just started navigating through level 2! i hope we can help each other through this video game for te next 35ish weeks!
xoxo
I have been waiting to hear your results and man, you sure made me wait even longer with that long post to say that you were pregnant! 🙂 Congratulations! I am so happy for you and will still keep praying for the best! And of course, I will continue to read your blog even though you are pregnant.
YAAY! And I'm so glad to hear that you did POAS that morning- good news or bad news, it's better to find out at home than on the phone in the office- especially when the news comes from such a blase' nurse. (I'd like to shake her- how much does it take to pretend to be a little excited for you?)
Continuing to cheer for you!
You are going to think I'm such a hypocrite, but I want you to enjoy every minute of this. You have worked so hard and struggled so long for this day. We can't know what comes next–and it's so understandable to have fear and worry. But I truly hope that you can feel nothing but joy and excitement at this long-awaited achievement.
Congratulations! I'm so excited for you!
OMG Jay I am doing the happy dance for you too! So exciting, scary, new, different, etc. I can't wait to hear every detail of this new journey you two are going on!!! We are all here with you for the long haul…cuz you'll be blogging during night-time feedings as well, I just know it!
Big hugs from CA! xoxoxoxo
Meg
What a beautiful post. I love how you acknowledged that your news might be hard for some to read. That was such a gracious thing to say! I've followed your blog for a while now and I can't tell you how happy I am for you and wish the best for the next 8/9 months!
Congratulations!! So pleased for you xxxxx
Rachael
I think you are the Tina Fey of infertility. I love your honesty and humor. I can't wait to hear all about the second level! Post any cheat codes you have as I suck at video games too. So freaking happy for you 🙂 Congrats!!!!
Delurking to say Congratulations!!!! And I love your dad 🙂
Love you, Jay! DH, my sisters, my parents and I are SO incredibly happy for you and will continue praying for a healthy pregnancy for you 🙂
What an excellent post! Funny and touching at once. Thank you for sharing!
i'm totally tearing up!!!! congrats!!! this brings me back to the feelings i had when i finally saw that "pregnant" and my body was so confused on how to react. what a joyful, amazing week for you! you've been on my prayer list, and i'll keep you and that tiny little baby of yours on it for a healthy pregnancy. wow, can't even WAIT to hear how you document the different parts of your pregnancy!!! savor this time with your hubs! and way to go, Rudy!
Wow! So SO SO happy for you! Congratulations!
This is amazing and encouraging news. I am SO happy for you and hope to follow in your footsteps in a couple of weeks!
You and your marriage deserves this more than anything. Congratulations!
missConception
Amazing! Congrats!
CONGRATS! 😀
Congratulations and what a story to be told..you brought tears in my eyes as something so deserving…and woo hoo for Level 2 …
Hallelujah! Dreams really do come true.
Nice how you kept us in suspense through the post. I suspected something was up but wasn't 100% sure. I resisted scrolling down to skip to the good part because I really wanted to hear your story.
And what a wonderful story it is! Please keep the blog going. You are such a good writer and it truly is inspirational to read a story with a happy ending.
I get to move you from my infertility folder in my reader to the pregnant one!!!!! OMG!!
Congrats kiddo, it's your time.
Oh, man, I am so so happy for you! Congratulations all around!!! And I agree with previous poster that this was a really wonderful post to share the happy result. I'm wishing you a really fantastic run through all the subsequent levels!!
Many many congratulations!!
I love your video game analogy. I played Mario brothers (old school) as a kid and would get totally bored of those sorts of games after a while, still do. I hope you make it to level 3, 4 and more!
Yours is the first "infertility" blog I came across and I still remember following you during your first two week wait. I remember crying for you then, but it is a much better feeling to be crying for you now. You inspired me to start a blog to help me through my first IVF. So so happy for you!
congrats on the BFP. When I was going through IVF all I was fixated in was getting the BFP. How hard could pregnancy be – when I compare it to IVF?? You are at the beginning of a long but rewarding road. There will be fears because not only is there the stress and fear if pregnancy but there's the fear of losing the most expensive embryo ever!
Embrace every moment if joy in your pregnancy. Let yourself enjoy the little things and don't let fear take away the positive moments. I'm so happy for you
So happy for you and sticking with you! 🙂 xx
wooohooo congrats lady
Congratulations, hooray, and best wishes!!!!!!
I'm so incredibly happy for you! But yeah, don't lose the snark. That would suck monkey balls. 😛
I cried while reading this post! Congrats and welcome to the next level! I'm so happy for you!
Congratulations! I'm so excited for you!!!
Jay – I am so VERY HAPPY for you!! I love you blog – your sense of humor is awesome! Congratulations – happy and healthy nine months to you!!!
kerri
Inspiring! Congratulations Jay!!! I like what Shannon said… "wishing you a long, boring, healthy pregnancy"!
Thrilled for you Jay. Amazing! I wish you all the best as you navigate all the tests involved in the early part of Level 2. Hope you are enjoying this moment to the fullest.
I am SOOOOO THRILLED for you!!!!!!
Congrats Rudy 2 for maiking it happen!!!
I can't wait to hear how the rest of the levels go for you!
So, so, so THRILLED for you!! I've been reading your blog for a few months now and prayed that this would be lucky Cycle #3! WIshing you a happy, healthy, and drama free 9 months!! You deserve it!
"Really, as far as I’m concerned, the game isn’t completely over until you hold a healthy baby in your arms."
This statement so perfectly captures my feelings about our pregnancy too. For so long I thought that pregnancy was the goal, but oh my, I don't think that I will breathe easy until we are holding that healthy baby in our arms. It has been so strange to see the excitement of others when we tell them the news, while we are feeling so cautious and tentative about it all.
Congratulations on your little miracle, and sending you the best wishes for a healthy uneventful pregnancy.
Awesome news! congrats on making it to level 2!
OMG i am so happy for you. If there is anyone who i wanted to get pregnant just as much as myself, it was you!! Congrats to you. I wish you a happy and healthy 9 months! I cant wait to continue reading your blog and following you on this journey!!
That is so amazing Jay! I knew it from the moment I read the title, but you did take a while to get to the point. =) When you finally did, I cried for you. Sometimes thing just work for no reason. I hope for you that this is an amazing and uneventful pregnancy. I have been reading since one of your very first posts, and you have helped me through some very dark hours with your humor. Ever since I got my BFP in January, I have been wishing for you to get yours too. I know that the positive test doesn't solve all the problems, but it is a great next step. I am sending you lots of positive thoughts because I know that these next nine months can be filled with worry and anxiety. Level 2, woo hoo!
YEAH!!!!!!!!!!!!! So thrilled for you! That's so funny about how you prepared for it to be negative, my last FET I went out after giving the blood for the beta and bought a bottle of wine I was so convienced it was going to be negative. Never got drink it 🙂 oh this is such good news you made my day!
What wonderful news! Congrats!!!
So happy that you finally get to experience the feeling of carrying a miracle. Wishing you joy and a healthy pregnancy. I look forward to reading more!
@IVF_Anon
Btw, the people at your clinic sound like a bunch of bitches but whatevs mama! Xoxo
Wahooooooo! So freakin' happy for you!
OMGsh!!!! Congrats!!!! So happy for you! Your story gives me Hope!
Congratulations! Grab hold of that controller and learn to use the buttons.. you're on to level 2! Here's hoping for a healthy and uneventful pregnancy!!
I have to go back and read the whole thing because I skimmed to get to the "I'm pregnant" part! Such great news Jay! Congratulations. Yours is a story of hope!
Hooray!!! Congratulations!!!! I've been crossing my fingers and checking a couple times a day. So, so, so happy for you!!!
Hoping you get to win the game!
Congratulations! Now the hard part begins! 🙂 I'm also glad you posted this on my birthday!
CONGRATULATIONS!!! I am so, so happy for you!
Congrats!!! That is great 🙂
Congrats. 🙂
So happy for you!
CONGRATULATIONS! I am so excited for you. I have been praying for you, even though we have never met, and I will continue to keep you in my prayers. I am about 8 weeks along after trying for 2 1/2 years, so I know some of the confused emotions you are going through right now. I hope that your pregnancy goes smoothly and that you have a healthy baby in about 9 months. Take care! Jill
Wonderful post!!! 🙂 Still SO excited and happy for you Jay!!
You've beat the BIGGEST boss already, which means that there ought to be a fireworks display that reads, "Kick Ass,Jay!"
Congratulations, daer. I am holding a world of hope and a fistful of quarters to see you through to all levels.
Wooooooo Hoooooooo!!! I am so incredibly happy for all three of you! WTG Rudy #2! Wishing you a happy and healthy pregnancy!!!
OMG! OMG! OMG! I'm at work and bawling my eyes out. I've been reading your blog for months and I had a really good feeling for you but…OMG! OMG! OMG! I am so very, very happy for you and your family. I will be sending you and your baby love and light.
So very happy for you. It is such an amazing feeling to finally see that "positive" test. Congratulations. Sending you lots of luck and prayers for a healthy pregnancy!
I am so so so so happy for you!!! Congrats and it just proves nothing is impossible and we always need to keep the faith because it can and will happen!!! Awesome and I look forward to following you through the next few levels 🙂
So happy for you! Just stumbled across your blog a couple weeks ago and I've been checking in hoping for a positive result. Can't wait to read all about your journey. Thanks for sharing your great news!
Lynette
May you wake up every am for the next nine months w the biggest smile on your face 😀
You. Made. My. Day. Literally. Congratulations. It's finally your turn :))
oh my god!!!!! so happy for you, congrats!!!!!
Holy crap! I was totally not expecting this from your lead-up. CONGRATULATIONS! The best of luck to you, my dear!
Oh I'm in tears – this is wonderful!!! I'm so very happy for you – you did it!!! I'm just beyond thrilled for you – enjoy these moments. And we'll all be here with you as you get to each new level, and win the game!
YES!! Thank goodness. I've been thinking about you and hoping for the best. So glad for you. 🙂
I am SO damn fucking happy for you, Jay!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Stick, embabe, stick!!!!!! xoxo
I finally got caught up on all the posts and FINALLY the best one yet!!!!!!!!!! Wow I'm so happy for you! I've been rooting so hard for you and couldn't be more excited. I truly hope you have a healthy pregnancy and enjoy every second.
This is just awesome news, so happy for you Jay. Congratulations and wishing you all the very best, keep pinching yourself, it's real!
Moonie xx
Congrats!!! I shouldn't have read this at work, I'm trying to keep the crying to a minimum so that they don't think I'm crazy. I just found your blog from a link on a trying to conceive board last week and skimmed through your last year. I was waiting for this post from you – and you didn't disappoint!
I'm guilty of complaining about searching for infertility blogs only to find pregnancy and new baby announcements, but this is different. We've been on the journey with you. I'm so incredibly happy for you! Congrats on moving up to the next level!
OMG! OMG! OMG!
I haven't made a comment in your blog but I totally feel compelled to do it today!
OMG!
You made me cry again! I'm soooooo happy for you! You give me hope!
OMG!
Sticky bean, dammit!
Congratulations! I am so happy for you!!! I have been silently following your infertility journey on this blog for a long time, as I have been going through my own infertility struggles. Your blog has been a source of comfort for me when my own IUIs and IVFs have failed and will now hopefully be a source of inspiration as I move into my first FET cycle this month. You truly deserve to have a happy and healthy pregnancy!
Absolutely and utterly fantastic! Congratulations!!
OMG!!!! I am so excited for you!!! Congratulations!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Shit, I'm so excited for you!!!! As I'm reading your blog I can see the writing between the lines, about preparing for it, about assuming it would be negative, etc., so I just knew it was coming. So happy for you!
Congratulations, I am so pleased for you, I have only started to read your blog a few weeks ago and have been checking your blog everyday for an update, I am just about to start my first IVF and I am very nervous! xxxx
I actually cheered out loud! YES!!!! I even added a fist pump to it!
Take that infertility!
First time visiting and it's awesome to be greeted with such amazing news… I'm stoked for you, and your story gave me a much needed boost: it can happen! Hugest congrats 🙂
Rudy,Rudy,Rudy!!! I love when sequels are better than the original! Congrats and sticky, sticky baby dust to you! Try to enjoy this. Pregnancy after infertility is a frightfest but this one is going to end in a big fat baby, I just know it! Love your blog. Lots of us out here praying for you.
Jennifer
This is AWESOME news! I started following your blog about a year ago and this really couldn't happen to a better person. Sending love, light and prayers through this next phase of your journey. I'll be following. Thanks for keeping us all encouraged, you brave, phenomenal woman. Yay for Team Rudy 2! xx
Fantastic news! I know the "confused at a positive test" feeling very well. When I saw 2 lines for the first time in 10 years I was in such disbelief that I couldn't even tell my husband until the next afternoon. Enjoy every minute of this pregnancy, as I know you will. I wish you nothing but the best for a healthy baby! Yay!!
What wonderful, amazing, it's-about-freakn'time news! I love your blog, and will continue to root, pray and stomp my feet for you!!! Congrats and enjoy every POAS moment – you deserve it!
Take it easy the next 10-12 weeks. I have been thinking about you every day!
been following for a few months now. waiting for this entry!!! so friggin happy for you! i battled and beat IF as well. so happy when infertlity gets its a$$ kicked =)
I'm a bit behind the times but, Congratulations!! So happy for you!! xx
I'm beyond happy for you! I've followed your blog for months and know that you've wanted this for such a long time. Congrats! Congrats! CONGRATS!
hate to say it but… I TOLD YOU SO!!!! I knew it would happen somehow if you don't give up and you had a goood quality embryo so YAY!!!!! (you don't know me b/c I always post anon but anyway..!)The first time I saw a positive, I did a million double takes, confused as to how and why, and truly almost fell over. COMPLETE SHOCK (I was trying to figure out why my period wouln't come so I could start my next ivf cycle) you will be amazed at how strange it feels to be/stay pregnant after trying so hard and questioning if every little thing that you eat, put on your body, or any physical activity is keeping you from being pregnant, it will seem so crazy, and I am about to have our little miracle next week! I am so very happy for you! when I was down and depressed and hysterical, I found your blog, it made me laugh, not feel so alone, (THANK YOU)and I have been hoping this would happen for you, too for so long. SO HAPPY FOR YOU!!
Congratulations!!!!! I told you…. it only takes ONE!!!!!!!
Now is the time to relax, enjoy, and just think about that perfect little embryo growing into a healthy, happy, baby.
My ONE is almost 36 weeks old, and almost ready to enter the world… 32 weeks you will be there too!!!!
Lots of love.
Robin
Ahhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!! I read this on my phone last weekend but have been saving it as unread so I could comment when I finally got to a computer. SO FREAKIN HAPPY FOR YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Jay,
My friend pointed me in the direction of your blog, because she thought I could benefit from it!
I have been TTC for over 2.5 years myself, with plenty of failures behind me. BUT, I saw two beautiful pink lines on a FRER test this morning. My beta was 390!
I look forward to reading more about your journey, as mine is only a few days behind yours!
Sarah
Wow! My husband are TTC but not luck yet. I like to hear success stories like yours. Give me encourage to keep trying
Congratulations! i too have been struggling to concieve and it took 2 rounds of ivf for us, i am now 15 weeks pregnant with twins, happy, healthy 9 months to you!
I just found this blog today as I am in my TWW. PLEASE keep writing here. I am not jealous, but instead feel hopeful!! Congratulations.
I just found your blog tonight for the first time, and I just jumped on the infertility bandwagon last week, apparently. I'm a newb to everything- so newb that right now they're just getting me drugged up to see if that works before we do anything else. All I can really say is that this post brought tears to my eyes, and a whole load of hope to my heart. I'm so happy for you, and so glad I found your blog tonight. I am delighted to follow you on this journey!
Hi Jay,
I happened upon your blog recently while desperately googling early pregnancy symptoms during my own 'two week wait'. Note to self, the only good that came from that was finding your blog!
I read your intro and decided to begin reading from the beginning of your blogging journey as you suggested. I have been waiting for this post and am absolutely thrilled that you now have the family you always dreamed of and deserved. It's worth noting here that I engage in lots of Internet stalking and have never commented or posted on any blog or discussion board until now. I am a silent sufferer in this awful infertility game. Something about your writing and your honesty made me want to comment.
Although I would say we're probably very different people (the thought of doing stand up comedy makes me want to run far away), many of the feelings you experienced are exactly the same as mine. It was reassuring to read and remind myself that I am not alone.
Your feelings about the fertile world and seeing pregnant woman everywhere is another aspect I am all to familiar with. It's interesting though that you might have become one of those pregnant woman that another infertile looked at and resented, just assuming it was simple for you without having ANY idea how much you went through to get that pregnancy. You just never know someone's story! I need to keep reminding myself of that.
Thank you for sharing your journey with us, I've enjoyed reading and laughing and crying along and will continue to the present. I wish you and your family all the best in the future. I hope that someday I will get to experience that 'real joy' of my own.