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The Second Failed Insemination – “The Feliz Navidad Incident”

If you’ve been reading my blog postings regularly, you’d know that our first IUI was around my birthday and Thanksgiving. Oddly enough, our second IUI ended up happening a week before Christmas. And although we didn’t know it yet, our third IUI would end up being on Valentine’s Day. It was like getting inseminated was how we were choosing to mark special occasions and National holidays. Still, on this 2nd attempt, we were enthusiastic that perhaps the timing would make us the lucky recipients of a “Christmas Miracle”. Then again, maybe I’ve watched WAY to many holiday specials.

Despite our enthusiasm, the 2nd round did not start off well. At my doctor’s appointment to decide when to give me the HCG shot, my doctor found that I had 3 follicles (translation: 3 eggs) that might be viable but he didn’t feel they were “mature” enough. I, of course, pictured them playing video games, without a job, smoking pot and wasting their B.A. in English while still living at home. My doctor suggested we wait a few days until they grew up, got their acts together and moved off of their mother’s couches.

However, throwing another fly into the cervical mucus (so to speak) was that my uterine lining was thinner than usual. This did not make for ideal conditions for possible (and hopeful) implantation. When I asked the doctor why my uterine lining was thinner, he explained that it was due to the Clomid I’d been taking. OK… let me get this straight: Clomid helps you produce more eggs, but it also can thin out your uterine lining? So, the very thing the medical community prescribes to help get you pregnant can also hinder your chances of getting pregnant. Really? REALLY? Am I on PUNKED? Where’s the camera? Where’s Ashton Kutcher? Is this a joke?!?

And there it was. We hadn’t even started the procedure and already, we had these two factors to deal with that clearly had my doctor worried. If we waited for the lining to get thicker, we might lose the follicles, so it was going to be a very a delicate balance. Needless to say, my expectations were low and my Christmas miracle seemed as unbelievable as Santa himself. Charlie Brown’s Christmas tree was dead, the Grinch DID still Christmas and it WASN’T a wonderful life. Bah humbug.

After pouting for several days, I went back to the doctors only to find that my follicles had magically matured and the uterine lining had vastly improved. The doctor even remarked at how terrifically things had come along despite his concerns. My hope began to return and I slowly, I felt like Natalie Wood at the end of “Miracle on 34th Street” when she got her house. This could work. Maybe all hope is not lost! I do believe in miracles!!! Again, have I mentioned I watch too many holiday specials?

As a quick side note, I should quickly note that as opposed to our first IUI attempt, we opted to collect Sam’s sperm sample in the privacy of our own home this time (please see: if you don’t know what I’m talking about). That way, Sam wouldn’t have to deal with any persistent bag ladies and the patrons of Starbucks were able to drink their latte’s without fear of any extra foam. 🙂

At my doctor’s office, he has always had music piped in throughout every room… even the examining room. This has been the case for as long as I’ve been seeing him. There were even times he’s been in the middle of giving me a pap smear and a song like “Do That to Me One More Time” by Captain & Tennille would come on. Entertaining, but depending on the music choice, it can also be creepy.

So, it was without suprise that when it finally came time for IUI #2 -Electric Bugaloo, due to the Christmas season, I was inseminated while Jose Feliciano’s “Feliz Navidad” was playing in the background. As I laid there listening to, “I want to wish you a Merry Christmas… from the bottom of my heeaaaaarrt…” I knew that if this holiday themed IUI were successful, this song would take on an entirely new meaning.

Happily, Sam had supplied “sizable donations” on both days of the IUI and we even got an opportunity to look at his some of his sperm under the microscope. This was fascinating. The sperm looked like that scene in “Titanic” when the boat completely goes under and all the people are in the water frantically swimming out of panic and not really getting anywhere at all.

I actually look back on this attempt with some sadness. We were so hopeful. Getting pregnant around Christmas time and starting the New Year with such exciting news was exceptionally appealing to us and after overcoming a rocky start, we really did believe we were going to get our miracle. On January 5th however, we found out that it again didn’t happen.

At my follow up appointment, my doctor and I discussed our next options. We decided we would try one more IUI in February (the one that would evenutally end up on Valentine’s Day) and then if that didn’t work, we’d consider IVF. As I waited in his office for him to get literature on IVF, Journey’s “Don’t Stop Believing” came on. I wasn’t sure if it was meant to be inspirational or if was meant to leave me the way it did when it was played at the end of The Sopranos: Confused and unclear of the future.

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