First and foremost, I’m so sorry for the delay in updating the blog. The last week has been a rollercoaster of activity and emotions. HOWEVER, I’m happy to report that MJ is home safe and sound. As you can see from the picture, he went from the lone 8-cell embryo from my third IVF (to review, I had 13 eggs but only ONE embryo to transfer) to the beautiful baby you see next to the photo. It was important to me that the first picture I posted acknowledged infertility and/or IVF in some way as without it, I don’t know if I would have ever been able to hold a baby in my arms. Yaaay modern science!!!

Secondly, after the last sad, scared, worrisome blog posting, I wanted to share with you two little lighter moments in the last week.

1.       The first night we brought MJ home, we had him in the bassinet portion of a Pack-n-Play. My husband, who clearly had other things on his mind what with both of us in the hospital, forgot to get batteries to make the Pack-n-Play vibrate. In a desperate effort, I found one of my vibrators (the Pocket Rocket to be specific, which I highly recommend) and tucked it away in the bassinet. I’m happy to report that it did the trick. I’m even happier to report that my husband, totally mortified by my “MacGyver-like-approach”, made certain to get the D batteries needed the very next morning.

2.       I didn’t realize the nursing pads were supposed to stick to the bra so for a good week, I’ve been sticking them directly to my breast. Lord only knows what the nurses in the NICU thought when they saw this. Although this was NOT how they were intended and although I feel like a total idiot, I do feel I inadvertently stumbled on a new design as sticking them to my breast kept them from slipping. I’m an idiot genius.

The Readers Digest version of the last week goes like this: MJ was officially diagnosed with Persistent Newborn Pulmonary Hypertension. This is defined as the failure of the normal circulatory transition that should occur after birth (you can read more about it here).  He was intubated, given proteins to help build up his lungs, closely monitored and he had both an arterial line and central line put in.

Since I got kicked out of the hospital, we booked the cheapest hotel room nearby and basically went back and forth from the hospital to the hotel. Although the hotel was not anywhere you’d want to steal soap or towels from, it was good for me as I could rest and recover when I needed to but be no more than a five minute walk away so that I could go visit my son whenever possible. It was REALLY F*CKING DIFFICULT to leave without him but I knew he was in good hands and more than anything, I wanted him to be where he could be given the best care.
His progress really started when one night, he peed a whole bunch and MJ’s doctors were super excited about this. They said that was him losing excess fluid from his lungs. Who knew peeing and lungs were at all connected???

Then, the next day, they took him off of the intubation (still giving him oxygen support to be safe) plus they also removed the arterial line. Luckily, he responded well. His respiration, heart rate and blood pressure all started improving so we then saw if he knew how to eat/suck from a bottle. After he passed that test, they removed all breathing support and we tried breastfeeding. Like any man, he was all about the boobs, so they removed the central line, which had been feeding him up until this point. After morning rounds on Sunday, February 5th, we were told we could take him home.

Obviously, there’s more to share but at present, I’m in that whole, “Holy sh*t! I have a baby and I don’t know what the hell I’m doing phase”. Today is actually my first day with him alone and I hope it goes smoothly and doesn’t become something that he needs to talk to his therapist about.

I just want to say again how much I’ve sincerely appreciated all of your thoughtful, encouraging, kind posts and emails during this time. To be honest, I’m a little shell shocked from the past couple of weeks. Weeks? Who am I kidding! YEARS! Infertility, financial strain, emotional strain, a difficult pregnancy, a last minute C-Section and then the baby having to be in the NICU. I’m beginning to think I need an exorcism.

The thing is that you guys have been here with me through it all and for that, I’ll never be able to repay you. You’ve been my virtual form of Prozac and you have found my uterus as challenging and funny as I do. You are my kind of people and I thank you from the bottom of my heart.

56 thoughts on “TOUCHDOWN!”

  1. I'm so happy to hear that you and the baby are now home together. That is rather scary with infant hypertension. Good luck on finding the time to sleep, shower, and well have "me" time any day soon. Wishing you all the best.

  2. I just saw the title of the post and cried happy tears for you. So glad that MJ is home and healthy. Don't worry you'll get the hang of everything soon. All that matters is that he is there and you can hold him. Congratulations!

  3. He is gorgeous! I'm so glad he's home and doing well. 🙂

    #1 reminds me of that sex and the city episode where Samantha babysits for Brady.

    #2 Ouch! You should look into some washable breast pads. So much nicer than the medela ones. Bamboobies rock.

  4. I've been waiting for this post! I'm glad to hear your little guy 'flipped' out of PPHN so quickly. My daughter had the same thing (although she was also premature so she had that to deal with too). It was the scariest day of my life when they took her away to the NICU and I didn't get to see her until the next day. I'm glad little MJ is home safe and sound and you get to move on to the next phase of motherhood! Congratulations!

  5. I had to try to keep my giggles to myself while reading at work. But holy crap – bahahahahahaha – sticking your vibrator in the pack-n-play with MJ on his first night home certainly gave me the smile I needed this afternoon. LOL! So glad he's home & well and I can't wait to hear all about him as he grows up. Congrats again Jay.

  6. OH!!! So happy you are both home safe and sound. PPHN is not fun and can be really hard to normalize. It sounds like MJ was in excellent hands and the Drs and Nurses managed him beautifully.

    I think your MacGyver pack n play vibrating thing was awesome! Anything to keep that baby happy. I've actually thought about it for the cradle upstairs. Pack n Play is downstairs and she seems to really like the vibrations….I might just do that if necessary 🙂

    You're not the first mom who's shell shocked…at least you have this place to come to for help 🙂 We're all here for you if you need anything. The first day at home alone is a little scary. I'm sure you'll settle in and before you know it you'll be wondering how you lived your life without MJ in your routine. It really does happen….and it's really weird when you realize how you're doing things just out of habit and routine and those things are the things you never thought you would be able to do let alone get to do after IF.

    Congrats and I love the picture. Raegan's photo album starts with the embryo picture and has all 17 or so ultrasounds in it before the live baby pictures. I think it's a wonderful idea to document the struggle to get to that ultimate blessing. wishing you all the happiness in the world….

  7. So happy for you! I've been checking your blog daily for the update. Congratulations. Hopefully soon my little embryo picture can also be placed next to my baby!

  8. Congrats again. And I don't think he's going to need therapy from his first day home alone with you so much as he will from the mortification of acknowledgement that his mom owns vibrators! I remember being scandalized in middle school when some kids talked about finding their mom's one… we need to collaborate on some good hiding places for our future kids' sake 😉

  9. He's beautiful! I'm so sorry there was so much uncertainty in his first few days. I clicked over to twitter since you weren't posting here and saw that you brought him home. I was so happy for you when I saw that tweet. You are going to be a great mommy. And I totally was not expecting that battery story…too funny! And if you are brave enough when he's older, you can mortify him by telling him that story.

  10. 1.) Congratulations! I had misty eyes as I was reading this. I know your struggle was a long one but the end (or beginning rather) is very well worth it!

    2.) As a crunchy momma can I just say, "YAAAA breastfeeding!!!" It gets LOADS easier, TRUST ME! I did it because I was lazy. I would only learn about the more beneficial factors years and years down the road. Laziness is what won it for me.

    I cant wait to hear more about all your new adventures. The comedic gold children produce will give you plenty of material, for sure.

    Lots of hugs. Lots of kisses. For you and beebee.

  11. Loved the new use of the pocket rocket. Maybe they should include that in the user manual?

    I'm so very glad that everyone is home and healthy! I was very worried about you for a few days. But seeing the picture of MJ makes me smile! May these next few months of transition be smooth, may MJ continue to grow and be happy and healthy and may you finally find the peace you;ve been waiting for during this entire journey. XOXO

  12. Dude, MJ is a Rockstar! So glad to hear he is doing so well.

    I almost did the same thing with the breast pads – had to read the directions multiple times. 🙂

    You are so damn resourceful. Love it.

  13. So happy I'm crying and late to work!

    MJ is such a friggin cuter!

    I know you'll be busy trying to figure out how not to eff up your kid but I hope you continue to share your stories. You are a source of strength for us here in the land of IF.

    hugs and love to you!

  14. He is very beautiful and I am so glad he's home. Love the double use of the pocket rocket. Congrats!!

    My son was in the NICU for "wet lung" (there's a more technical term that I've blocked out): I guess he inhaled fluid during the C-section (he was born at 35 weeks, 5 days). He recovered really well.

    Looking forward to reading about your new life with your son 🙂

  15. Jay, I stumbled upon your site a little before your 3rd IVF and remember being so so happy for you when you posted that it worked. I've followed your blog since that very day and although you are a complete stranger, I am so incredibly happy that you are finally home with your baby. It's stories like yours that make you truly appreciate what an amazing blessing a child is! I'm still working on my own journey to parenthood and you give me hope that one day I will also be lucky enough to hold my own baby in my arms. All the best to you and your new party of three. = )

  16. Yay Jay! Congratulations! I am pregnant after 2 IVFs (one ended in m/c), one FET (ditto on m/c), and one polyp surgery and it just brings a huge smile to my face to see the beautiful ending to your story with MJ. It truly gives me hope that despite all the bumps in the road that a baby could be at the end of this journey. All best wishes to your family.

  17. Hi there, i randomly stumbled on ur blog last week and saw your previous post.
    I just wanted to let you know how glad I am that your little one is doing so well and home. My daughter was born with very severe case of pphn 3 months ago. unfortunately, the ventilator support did not help her, so she had to be placed on a heart lung bypass machine called ecmo, which literally saved her life.she went through a lot and was at the hospital for 35 days. she cannot breastfeed because she has swallowing issues, but overall she is doing well.
    so i understand completely what you have been through. it may be a good idea to minimize visitors till at least the flu season is over. good luck to you! send me a note if you ever have any concerns or qs. i'll be following your journey.

  18. I'm so glad you are all home and adjusting together! I'm sure there will be many more hilarious Jay moments to come in the future. Once you're settled and MJ is up for visitors, we should meet up with our little boys in the neighborhood.

  19. He is beautiful! Thank you for posting the picture- and for giving me the idea of using the pic of my two embies (one of my most cherished possessions) when my boys are born! I am glad that you are home and freaking out about normal mommy things and no longer forced to worry about things that no new mother should have to fret over. I can't wait to hear about your journey as an infertile mother (you'd better keep posting!!)

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